This might sound like a random email but it is not. I feel disillusion, desperately want to go home or just disappeareaed right now. My roommates are very decent people, as I have told either one of you if not all, but their inconsiderate loud voice is pretty disturbing to me when I want to go to bed at 10pm coz I function at 6am tomorrow, whereas they funtion at 10pm, of course and sleep at 6am. Therefore, I had enough of it, during the middle terms and I gave them a pinch of what I go through every night before I go to sleep. In the morning, I think of last wednesday, I turned my music, obviously a foreign language music which is japanese techno, ^.* Lovely, even though, I felt horrible, but under that stress of not having 6hrs of sleep since they moved in, relying on sleeping pills to sleep, or tell them to keep their voice low for at least 100 times, my action is worthy it.

Hence, after that particular morning, obviously, things change. When I came back, guess what, one of the Americans, obviously, Americans, coz they always think they have the rights to anything, including the rights to being rude, threw my shoes, Lovely, this happened to me last spring and summer, moving my things w/o my permission, throwing my things w/o my permission. And guess what they want to become social worker(s). Speak of education. Speak of being civilized. I was uncivilized in the morning, and that was about it. It got better of me and I decided to chill. When I opened my cupboard, my things were moved. They wrote words about mean people sucks and etc on their board that they hung on their door. Speak of education.

But, if you turn the time back, looks who started it first, I have told them tons of times, that quiet hours are when I want to go sleep, etc etc...This happened not only to me but to other international students as well. I slept at one of the student association representative's girl's futon for a night, last night on the classroom table, and to night probably in the classroom again. I am getting very very disillusion.

I do not like to go to sleep in a house where people throw your things around, move your things around. They might even attack me, who knows. I just want to go back home, so badly.

Ay a point, I thought of ending my life. Because if I bring this issue to the housing, since I am also the Resident Assistant, would they care?? No, they cover the students lack of manners but moving me, so tell me where is the truth?? Covering your own acts by being creative and bold. You move, especially other international students away.

I am disillusion, I do not want to come back to a place where one consider themselves to be equal, free and whatever. I just want to go home.

I just want to be deaf and blind because deaf and blind speaks the kindest language in the world.

I lost my purse and I am in am mess. I do not know who to talk to, who to ask for help I do not trust anyone at all right now...I cannot call home to tell my parents about my situation.

Isnt it sad, I am sitting here comparing my tiny dumb situation where there are hurricane, tsunami etc victims who do not have a place to live at all?

Just shoot me.